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Silver Fic
... giving Ianto the key to Jack's happiness since 2009
Jack and Eleven One Shot 
2nd-Jun-2010 03:11 am
Title: Jack and Eleven
Author: a_silver_story
Rating: PG-13 with a reference to man shagginz
Warnings: Expect the unexpected. Maybe tea, but NO SPOILERS.
Disclaimer: A large portion of this belongs to the BBC, with a couple of Chocolate Orange segments being tossed in the direction of RTD. The middle, however, goes to Super!Moff. If you understand this metaphor, you win nothing but my grudging respect.

Summary:A non-spoilery fic, set post-CoE. Eleven goes 'round to Jack's new place for a cup of tea and a chat. They clear up a few things and avoid a major, life-threatening disaster.

There wasn't much on the telly. The signal was pretty bad in this quiet part of the universe, and Jack was finding it daily more and more difficult to get his regular dose of 'Friends', despite it being constantly on E4.

He'd found that if he leaned out the window slightly with the aerial, stretching his arm out the whole way and twisted his wrist to the left a bit, he could get a fairly decent signal. He wished Ianto was there to hold it for him … but … of course … Ianto wasn't there. He was … elsewhere.

Jack had promised himself he wouldn't think about it, in case his mind drifted and came up with ideas of doing something about it.

He jumped when his doorbell rang, nearly dropping the aerial. Jack grumbled all the way to the door of his house, giving his best disgruntled expression to the strange skinny man stood behind his door wearing tweed and a bow tie.

The man just grinned at him.

“Oh … of course!” he suddenly exclaimed, realising something Jack had yet to grasp. “I Regenerated again!”

Jack blinked. “Oh. Wanna come in?”

“Have you got any Jammy Dodgers?”

“Erm … I … I think so … yeah?”

“Excellent!” The Doctor clapped his hands. “I shall most certainly come in. Most certainly shall.”

After a cup of tea had been served, complete with Jammy Dodger, Jack and the Doctor perched on the couch.

“TV?” asked the Doctor.

“Hang on – you have to do this with aer-”

He stopped as the telly flickered into life, the Earth television waves being picked up crystal clear.

“Oh. That works to,” he nodded, his eyes drawn to the strange claw-lick-green-flashing-lighted sonic currently pointed at his ancient set.

“So …” The Doctor sat back into the sofa and relaxed, steepling his fingers. “Been up to much?”

“This and that,” Jack replied evasively. “You?”

“Same,” replied the Doctor.

They watched the mindless telly for a few more minutes.

“So ...” the Doctor began again. “Doing anything … y'know … this afternoon … ?”

Jack shook his head. “Nothing concrete. I have been contemplating maybe saving the world. Depends on the weather.”

“Mm. Does look like rain.”


They sighed in unison, and watched the closing credits of 'The Simpsons' flashing up on the screen.

The Doctor yawned.

“Refill?” Jack offered.

“That would be smashing.”

Jack returned a few minutes later and they sat on the couch watching the ads between programming.

“So … Doctor ….” Jack began this time. “You … got a new companion or anything?”

“Ohhh yeah! Of course. Amy Pond – red-head, Scottish and feisty. Has an annoying habit of having a no-nonsense approach. It's frightfully efficient.”

“Does she wander off?”

“Only if I tell her not to.”

“Same old, same old.”

“So … you got a … companion?”


“What's their name?”

“Ianto Jones.”

“I see. Where is Ianto Jones?”

“In my Sex Basement.”

“Ah – same old, same old.”


They both froze when a strange, haunting sound began to emanate from the television set. They stared at the screen in shock for a whole two seconds.

“Turn it OFF!” Jack yelled, panicking and hitting every button he could. “Turn it off, turn it off!”

“I'm trying!” the Doctor yelled back, fumbling with his sonic. “There isn't a setting powerful enough for this situation!”

“Oh no, no, no! I can't believe this is happening!”

Giving up on hitting random buttons, he reached back into the wall and yanked the wiring clean out of the back of the TV. The screen fizzled out into nothing, take the horrendous sounds and haunting, scarring images with it.

Jack and the Doctor breathed a sigh of relief and flopped down to lie on the floor, panting as their heart rates began to slow to a normal pace.

“Thank God what almost just happened didn't manage to happen,” the Doctor breathed.

“I know,” Jack replied darkly. “No fuckin' way am I watching 'Hollyoaks'.”

Don't even ask me how Ianto's alive. I wrote this for the crack.

He was smuggled out of BBC Wales disguised as Harrison Ford.

Don't ask 'why Harrison Ford?'.

Maybe it's cuz I'd have either of their babies (though may not necessarily raise them).

Comments are a method of sharing love that need only takes a few seconds. They're also free to give ♥

Torchwood Index
2nd-Jun-2010 02:20 am (UTC)
rofl, jeez I love a good crack!fic once and a while, thanks@
2nd-Jun-2010 02:21 am (UTC)
That was cute. Eleven really should take Jack out on an adventure or two. I'd love to see how they interact.
2nd-Jun-2010 02:28 am (UTC)
On the one hand, Jack has convinced himself that Ianto is still with him, in his "Sex Basement". Which is a very sad bit of denial. On the other hand, you have two superheros sitting around sucking up tea and watching rerun TV. Which is a very funny visual.So it's a ....tragi-comedy.
Um. What is Hollyoaks?
2nd-Jun-2010 02:30 am (UTC)
Hhaaha Jack's not in denial. Ianto really is in his sex basement. I just ... don't quite know how CoE managed to be fixed in order for the fic to happen. Maybe I'm the one in denial XD

As for Hollyoaks ... it's a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally bad British soap. And I mean ... really bad. REALLY BAD. It's a soap aimed at teenagers.
2nd-Jun-2010 02:57 am (UTC)

... you said to comment. That good enough for ya?

In other news, I love Eleven, love Ianto, Love Harrison Ford and love this fic. And I really want eleven and Donna to somehow meet. Thought I'd throw that at you.

Course Ianto isn't dead! He never died in the first place.

Wikipedia says that Hollyoaks is a sort of stupid, soap-opera-ish thing about teenagers, alcohol, teenagers, sex, teenagers and alcohol. Eww.
2nd-Jun-2010 03:02 am (UTC)
*pees self laughing*
2nd-Jun-2010 03:33 am (UTC)
I appreciate the crack. It's good not to read something depressing for once.

I'd love to see more of your Eleven. He's brilliant ^_^

Also, I'm sure Ianto appreciates Jack telling the Doctor he's in the "Sex Basement." Sounds like a punishable offense to me XD
2nd-Jun-2010 03:42 am (UTC)
Oooo! Harrison or Ianto... tough choice. ;) Though, I hate to admit it, I'd have to lean towards Harrison. Been in love with him for almost 30 years. *grins*

Hmmm... I like Jack's Sex Basement idea... can we hide both Ianto and Harrison there? ;D
2nd-Jun-2010 04:03 am (UTC)
I don't know that I would necessarily classify this as crack, but it is delightfully deadpan and absurd at the same time. Like the best parts of DW and TW.
2nd-Jun-2010 05:12 am (UTC)
sorry can't comment right now, i'm too busy with ianto down in the sex basement. come back later, way later. ;)
2nd-Jun-2010 06:34 am (UTC)
Lol, i has a sex basement...it has many many people in it (GDL, JB, David Tennant, Matt Smith).

Love it, is amusing...and didn't you hear? Ianto's alive - he's hiding in Australia - and we're tyring to convert him to warm beer...it's not working XD
2nd-Jun-2010 06:55 am (UTC)
I am actually convinced that CoE was the first effect of the "cracks" arc in 11-verse. I very much am.

....if you or anyone else would like to expand on this plot bunny that practically raped me in the first 15 minutes of "The Eleventh Hour," be my guest.

....just...warn me first....unless you like glomps.... 8D
2nd-Jun-2010 09:15 am (UTC)
Oh yes, this. IN fact, I'm convinced that the death of Ianto was such a major cock -up, that the universe had a hissy fit, thus causing aforementioned cracks.
2nd-Jun-2010 10:03 am (UTC)
amen to that. ^.^
2nd-Jun-2010 04:08 pm (UTC)
Holy crap. Thats perfect!
someone.. must.. write.. fic..
3rd-Jun-2010 06:26 am (UTC)
2nd-Jun-2010 11:21 am (UTC)
The Time explosion that started it could have been Jack getting 'sploded, the complicated Time Even that he is (oh ... a complicated Time Event exploding under THE FREAKIN' RIFT, too), and that's what left cracks throughout the skin of the universe.

So they have to go back to 2009, stop Jack from 'sploding and sonic the 456 (since they were defeated by Evil Soundwaves, I'm guessing the sonic would have done the same job) and everything should be fine and dandy!

I'll have to think about maybe expanding on it. I'm thinking about TW Big Bang this round, and then I know I'm probably doing Reel_TW after that, as well as my current fics ... so it depends if I can find the time XD
3rd-Jun-2010 06:20 am (UTC)

I was thinking of doing TW Big Bang this year, but then I founded HTTYD Big Bang, soooo....yea. Maybe next year.
(Deleted comment)
3rd-Jun-2010 06:26 am (UTC)
8D Thank you!
2nd-Jun-2010 10:02 am (UTC)
om nom nom crack!fic

^.^ the question is 'why NOT harrison ford?'
2nd-Jun-2010 04:07 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, thank you, this made me laugh so much.

And Harrison Ford.. really :P?
2nd-Jun-2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
Yep, no matter where in the Universe you might traverse to...you cannot escape reruns of Friends.

Oh, God, Hollyoaks...I used to watch that years ago, only because I had a slightly unhealthy crush on Matt Littler. Ah, youthful naïveté...
2nd-Jun-2010 06:23 pm (UTC)
I had a slightly unhealthy crush on Matt Littler.


me too
2nd-Jun-2010 08:45 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAO! That's awesome.
3rd-Jun-2010 02:54 pm (UTC)
omg I thought it was going to be COE on the tv, but then it turned out to be so. much. worse. Hollyoaks... nooooo!
5th-Jun-2010 09:24 am (UTC)
That was brilliant *giggles*
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