Warnings: None, other then mentions of smexytimez
Disclaimer: Belongs to whatever station it is Torchwood is currently belonging to. Basically, not mine. Borrowed for funsies.
Summary: Basically, in a world where Ianto didn't die in Children of Earth, he and Jack are living in a cottage in the middle of nowhere discussing what to do with their limitless free time off the radar and unemployed. Inspired by my friend saxgoddess25's hobby.
“I've decided I'm getting a hobby.”
Jack glanced up from where he was filing his nails on the sofa. “Another one?” he asked, amused.
“Shush,” Ianto admonished in reply, sitting down next to him and stretching out. “I'm thinking about crafting stuff out of metal chain links.”
“Yeah … but making decorative things. Cool things.”
“Maybe you could return to one of your old hobbies?” Jack tried gently. “Maybe one that you're already equipped for rather than spending another God-knows-how-much on equipment and materials that will last you about a week?”
Ianto was indignant. “My hobbies have all lasted longer than a week,” he retorted.
“Can't you just take up baking again?” Jack sighed. He put his file down and picked up his buffer to set to work.
“No,” asserted Ianto, arms folded, “too fattening.”
“How about you finish your scale model of the Titanic?”
“Origami was fun. Weren't you going to make a thousand paper cranes?”
“I was, until I realised it wasn't environmentally friendly to cut down a forest to just move it indoors.”
“People do it with books,” Jack pointed out as he checked his nails over.
“That's why I have a Kindle,” Ianto argued in return.
Jack sighed. “What about your gardening? The vegetables you planted will probably be salvageable still.”
“Too dirty,” Ianto grimaced. “I also felt trapped in The Good Life. It was a nightmare.”
“What happened to your fighting robot project?” Jack tried. “I bet J.A.K will be a champion when you finish him.”
“Too Torchwood One.” Ianto waved away the suggestion. “And I couldn't programme him to hoover. What's the point?”
Jack put his buffer down, then laced his fingers over his stomach as he stretched out beside Ianto. “Maybe we should find something we can do together?” he suggested.
Ianto sniggered. “Other than what we already do?”
Jack turned onto his side, snaked his arms around Ianto's waist, rested his chin on Ianto's shoulder and nuzzled his ear. “We could take Tantric Sex lessons … ?” he murmured.
“What would that entail, exactly?”
“Some stuff about breathing and connecting. Then we pretend to have sex in front the tutor.”
“Ah. You're forgetting that it's coming up to Easter.”
“Dammit,” Jack huffed. “Of all the things you could have given up for Lent, why did it have to be exhibitionism?”
Ianto turned his head to kiss Jack's nose. “Because I'm learning to be good and stuff.”
Jack chuckled and moved his hand to rest on Ianto's thigh. “How about we learn the Tango?”
With a laugh, Ianto shook his head. “I don't think so.”
“We could go jogging together?”
“Jogging and running are too healthy, remember?”
“Hobbies are supposed to be relaxing, not cold, arduous, long walks with no real point or purpose other than a misguided sense of self-fulfilment.”
“That's a 'no', then?”
“It is indeed.”
“How about camping?”
“So that we can do exactly what we do here, only in a tent with no sanitation, harsh wind and freezing temperatures?”
“Will they provide Microwaving as a specialism?”
“Driving, then,” Jack suggested, sitting up a little to get more comfortable. Ianto leaned to the side until the back of his head was resting on Jack's thigh and let him stroke his hair as they looked at each other.
“Driving? Driving where?”
“I dunno. We could just get a camper van and go wherever, then come back when we feel like it before leaving whenever we want.”
“And I'd be trapped in the tiny, confined space in the front of a van with you for hours and hours on end? I think we should rethink the Tango idea.”
“Okay. Tango it is.”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. He thought about it. He drew breath to speak. “You know what?” he decided, “I think I'm gonna give the chainmail a go.” He got up and made his way over to the computer. “I'm gonna find an online shop. Where's the debit card?”
With a sigh, Jack sank into the sofa and covered his face with his hands. Turned out, keeping Ianto busy and unemployed was a lot harder than he'd thought...