There are people out there who read and write John Barrowman/ Eve Myles realperson!fics.
Rolling on the floor laughing yet? No?
Well, you will be ...
In celebration of this massively likely pairing, I have written my own JB/EM rpf.
Nothing needs warning other than the one use of the word "cock". If you include that use of the word "cock", that's two warnings. If you include the previous one, it's three.
"John Barrowman and Eve Myles - Love at first Zero-Chemistry-Filled Screen Test"
JOHN: Hello .... I'm Captain John Barrowman
EVE: Hello. My. You are handsome.
JOHN: I'm gay. I'm very very gay. I have a Civil Partnership and have never been sexuallly attracted to a woman ... wanna make babies?
EVE: If that's what RTD wants ...
[SIDE OF THE ROOM. KAI AND GARETH ARE LEANING AGAINST THE WALL, LOOKING ON AS JOHN AND EVE GET DOWN'N'DIRTY]
GARETH: [watches with frown] ... aren't they like ... in no way, shape or form compatible?
KAI: They'll work well together as friends, but romance ... I'd never have seen that coming - what with John being in no way sexually attracted to women.
GARETH: Yeah. [shrugs] Wanna go get a beer?
KAI: Yeah ... why not?
[THEY TURN TO LEAVE. SOMETHING CATCHES GARETH'S EYE AND HE HESITATES]
GARETH: Hang on ... did you just see that?
GARETH: EVE HAS A MASSIVE COCK!
KAI: Ohhhhh! Well that explains a LOT!!!!
... and so concludes my adventures into the world of JB/EM shipping, as well as realperson!fic in general.
N/B: I just want to say I have absolutely no evidence to support the suggestion that Eve Myles has a cock, let alone a massive one. I have nothing against the actress herself (though she did annoy me a little when she was saying bringing back Ianto would 'mollycoddle' the fans) other than the character she has to play makes me want to poke needles in cute puppy's eyes.