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Silver Fic
... giving Ianto the key to Jack's happiness since 2009
JB/EM realperson! fic - just for the LULZ 
27th-Aug-2009 09:55 pm
Okay people ... get this:

There are people out there who read and write John Barrowman/ Eve Myles realperson!fics.


Rolling on the floor laughing yet? No?

Well, you will be ...



In celebration of this massively likely pairing, I have written my own JB/EM rpf.

Nothing needs warning other than the one use of the word "cock". If you include that use of the word "cock", that's two warnings. If you include the previous one, it's three.




"John Barrowman and Eve Myles - Love at first Zero-Chemistry-Filled Screen Test"




JOHN: Hello .... I'm Captain John Barrowman

EVE: Hello. My. You are handsome.

JOHN: I'm gay. I'm very very gay. I have a Civil Partnership and have never been sexuallly attracted to a woman ... wanna make babies?

EVE: If that's what RTD wants ...


[SIDE OF THE ROOM. KAI AND GARETH ARE LEANING AGAINST THE WALL, LOOKING ON AS JOHN AND EVE GET DOWN'N'DIRTY]


GARETH: [watches with frown] ... aren't they like ... in no way, shape or form compatible?

KAI: They'll work well together as friends, but romance ... I'd never have seen that coming - what with John being in no way sexually attracted to women.

GARETH: Yeah. [shrugs] Wanna go get a beer?

KAI: Yeah ... why not?


[THEY TURN TO LEAVE. SOMETHING CATCHES GARETH'S EYE AND HE HESITATES]



GARETH: Hang on ... did you just see that?

KAI: What?!?!

GARETH: EVE HAS A MASSIVE COCK!

KAI: Ohhhhh! Well that explains a LOT!!!!







... and so concludes my adventures into the world of JB/EM shipping, as well as realperson!fic in general.



N/B: I just want to say I have absolutely no evidence to support the suggestion that Eve Myles has a cock, let alone a massive one. I have nothing against the actress herself (though she did annoy me a little when she was saying bringing back Ianto would 'mollycoddle' the fans) other than the character she has to play makes me want to poke needles in cute puppy's eyes.
Comments 
27th-Aug-2009 09:02 pm (UTC)
BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
*breathes*
BAHAHAHAHHAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Oh dear.
Brilliant.

Gareth, subtle as ever.
:')
27th-Aug-2009 09:05 pm (UTC)
Ok, I've been lurking for ages, but I just had to comment cos that was freaking hilarious!! Seriously? Eve and John? What has the world come to? *rolls eyes*
27th-Aug-2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
ZOMFG AHAHAHAHAHA XD
*is laughing so hard right now*
You just made a really bad day a whole lot better xD

Oh, c'mon. They can't be serious; jb and eve myles? Get a grip xD

Sadly, this (minus the eve having a VERY BIG PENIS thing xD) is what jb/em shippers probably hope happened at their screen test :p x
27th-Aug-2009 09:24 pm (UTC)
That was too funny. ;)
27th-Aug-2009 09:28 pm (UTC)
LMAO! That was hilarious! Your brilliance dazzles us mere mortals!

I can't believe that people actually write John/Eve...that's just creepy! *shudders* What are they taking???? Lol *rolls eyes*

Thanks for the laugh!
27th-Aug-2009 09:33 pm (UTC)
After the day I've had I needed a good laugh, thank you so much for providing it that was so funny, can't beleive there are people who write JB/EM rpf. :)
27th-Aug-2009 09:42 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
John Barrowman and Eve Myles???????? Are they insane???????
Personally, RPF makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, but that pairing is just plain wrong on so so many levels. Ugh. I don't even know where to begin. Lol.
27th-Aug-2009 09:48 pm (UTC)
RPF makes me a bit squicky too - I don't read it, and I don't see the attraction of it. It's like ... real people and real lives ... you get what I'm saying? :S

Obviously, though, when used as a vehicle for sarcasm, RP drabbles are acceptable :P
27th-Aug-2009 09:43 pm (UTC)
OMG! *falls over laughing* You may want to put a no drinking/eatting warning on this. lol I almost spewed spaghetti on my monitor!!

This may explain a lot. lol

though she did annoy me a little when she was saying bringing back Ianto would 'mollycoddle' the fans

Did she really say that? If she did... she just got herself a seat next to RTD in my books. :P But of course she'll be fine with how the series went, her character rode off into the sunset happy. :P
27th-Aug-2009 09:45 pm (UTC)
Yes she did say that *scowls*

It was one of the first interviews she did after the CoE fiasco.



And all my fic has a no eating/drinking warning - see my profile! LOL
27th-Aug-2009 09:52 pm (UTC)
Hahahahahahahahaha!

After a day of packing for moving, I neened a laugh! Though, JB/EM *shudders*, no, just...no. That's so wrong.
27th-Aug-2009 10:01 pm (UTC)
...John/Eve? O_O
...really? O__O
...
people *are* scary °°
The fic is brilliant XDDD
27th-Aug-2009 10:20 pm (UTC)
Very funny! I laughed so hard the hubby had to ask what happened.

I didn't see the quote, but I tell you what. If I made a comfortable living pretending to overreact to everything I saw, thanks to the devotion of millions of people to my work, I would make it my business to mollycoddle the everloving shit out of them!
27th-Aug-2009 11:38 pm (UTC)
Haha!
O.O
And I thought RPF was squicky in the first place.
That's a bit scary.
Each to their own, I suppose.
28th-Aug-2009 12:26 am (UTC)
RPF makes me a bit squicky too - I don't read it, and I don't see the attraction of it. It's like ... real people and real lives ... you get what I'm saying? :S

Obviously, though, when used as a vehicle for sarcasm, RP drabbles are acceptable :P
27th-Aug-2009 11:42 pm (UTC)
though she did annoy me a little when she was saying bringing back Ianto would 'mollycoddle' the fans

WTF!? Where did you see that? I was just about to forgive her for being RTD's Mary-Sue, but now I'm all pissed again.
28th-Aug-2009 12:36 am (UTC)
28th-Aug-2009 01:21 am (UTC)
OH. MY. GOD! That was hilarious!

I was dying, simply dying, in the middle of the Starbucks with both hands over my mouth trying not to die, or embarrass myself even more than the snorting was doing.

Brilliant!

28th-Aug-2009 04:50 am (UTC)
*still giggling*
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